Is it better to be angry or bitter? Paul tells us in Ephesians 4:31 to get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, and slander, along with every form of malice. Paul makes it pretty clear that bitterness, as well as anger, is a big problem. Maybe, we are given this advice because bitterness leads to more significant harms.
Where does bitterness start? It starts with a deep wound caused by either a deliberate or unintentional hurt. Is your habit to just deny the injury? The problem is you can’t heal the damage by pushing it into the dark. The outcome of denial is the hurt creates bitterness.
Bitterness has many negative consequences. Bitter indignation is a thief that robs you of joy and steals the goodness from your life. It replaces your happiness with a black outlook. It obliterates your peace. Bitterness and resentment can be the underlying cause of health problems such as headaches, sleeplessness, or high blood pressure. The startling thing is bitterness hurts you the most. It does not harm the person who hurt you. Bitterness doesn’t offer you any benefits.
Are you saying, “It’s my issue, I can deal with it.” Except, bitterness never affects just you. Your bitter personality infects everyone around you. Bitterness mars relationships in your family, with your spouse, at your work, among friends, and in your church. If you have lost your joy, do you think others want to be around you?
The fundamental element in combating bitterness is forgiveness.
What is forgiveness? The Wikipedia definition is: “Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, and overcomes negative emotions such as resentment and vengeance. Forgiveness is different from condoning, excusing, forgetting, pardoning, or reconciliation.” In the New Testament Greek, the word for forgiveness means “to let go.” For example, when a person forgives and does not demand payment for a debt.
Are you expecting the person who wronged you to apologize or to offer to make things right? Don’t. You don’t need someone to do anything to realize the healing power of forgiveness. You are doing the work; it is an act of your will. You don’t even have to talk to your offender. For instance, just assume that the person who hurt you was your parent. His or her actions created a damaging blow that has continued into your adult life. Your parent is even deceased, but you are still allowing the wounding to not heal. Your act of forgiving your parent enables you to release the desire to get what you never had. You surrender your hurt.
Is the situation that your offender is still in your life? To guard yourself against more offenses, you need to set boundaries against inappropriate behavior. Once you forgive, you don’t have to reconcile. A reunion or rebuilding of the relationship is not required or even wise in some cases. You can let go, even while establishing healthy boundaries. Boundaries will give you the space to forgive and start the healing process.
Job’s life is a great Biblical example of not going to bitterness. Job withstood significant undeserved losses. He did not ignore the pain or become bitter. Job talked with God about his hurts.
We all have difficult seasons. The good news is God promises us restoration and peace. God wants us to put our hope in Him, so we can overcome our bitterness. He doesn’t want us to stay stuck in our troubles but to move forward. Venting bitterness safely and offering forgiveness will help you find healing.
This sounds easy; however, for most of us, it is not. You may need the help of a Christian Counselor to put down your hurts and find forgiveness. Or, find your local Celebrate Recovery meeting. At CR, you will find the support you need to overcome your hurts, hang-ups, and harmful habits.
Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth, you will again bring me up. Psalm 71:20
Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin. Call us with your feedback, comments, issues, or questions; our phone number is 434-808-2637.
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Bitter Isn't Better - The Southside Messenger
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